She lived with an uncle in Narayanganj but still presented herself as a man and was subjected to the same verbal abuse. She scoured the internet looking for answers. Eventually she came across the word “transgender” and things started to come together. While she has not yet met any other transgender people in Bangladesh, she has found others with whom she can identify across national borders.
“It was really amazing,” she said. “I felt like I’m not the only person in the world.”
After entering college, she discovered an affinity for theater that was shaped by the prospect of a life of prestige, respect, and admiration. While performing roles as a female character, a director told her that this was not possible because she was assigned a male identity at birth.
“Bullying and harassment taught me that you have to prove yourself,” said Ms. Shishir. “You shouldn’t be trapped in a male body; you have to take care of your femininity; you have to love your femininity. “
The emotional toll, constant humiliation and alienation drove them to move to Dhaka. She received financial support from friends – who sometimes lived in their homes – and found temporary work. Things took a dark turn, said Ms. Shishir, when she lived in a slum for six months with no income.
For seven days, she said, she had no food and almost starved to death. But it got better.
In 2015, Ms. Shishir declared herself to be a transgender woman in a transgender community she had met through counseling. She chose the name Tashnuva, which means “luck” in Bengali, followed by anan or “cloud”. Gradually, her hair grew out, started wearing makeup, and started hormone treatment in 2016.
Ms. Shishir remembered a doctor in Dhaka who treated her like a psychosocial disorder, handing out pills that made her sicker every day. For eight months, her skin became coarse, dark circles formed under her eyes, and the treatment left her sleepless. The drug plunged her into depression, she said.
